Little scavenger - Self compassionate letter to the neglected hungry me (as a child)

Dear little scavenger girl,

You tiny little thing, your hair so blonde and fluffy, your face so smiley.. but why are your eyes dark, your skin so dank, your hair so thin, your nails to brittle...

When did you last eat? When was your last meal?

Is this why you travel across town to other peoples houses and wait around until its time for tea.. hoping they offer up food?

Let me feed you, healthy, proper food, let me give you love and support.. so you don't feel the need to scavenge for your food like a street rat.

You might be given food from a skip to eat from those who are there to look after you, but this doesn't mean you are worth less than the other children.

I am sorry you were so hungry you have constant stomach pains, that you  throw up bile..because there just isn't anything else in your tiny stomach.

The hunger pain is your comfort.. the only thing that keeps you sharp, keeps you alive... the hunt for the next meal.

Then when a meal was provided, you have to eat every last piece .."Think of the starving children in Africa".. be grateful for what you have.

Force fed liver, blegh I know you hate the feeling it creates at the top of your mouth.

Picking out glass in your pasta as you eat it... the shops had started to make it harder for people to take from the skips, by putting glass and bleach in them..

Food wasn't a priority for Herion parents.. and thats not your fault, you were small, and kept quite to make sure you didn't get a wack.

You are a good child, and you don't deserve to feel the way you do, to be scared to ask for food..

I still dream of the kitchen cupboard, of you scavenging through it, looking for something, anything to eat.

Dried pasta was easy.. you and your scavenger brother would 'cook' it in the flame of the gas cooker. Dried noodles... they helped to make you feel full for a while.

I remember the day you and your brother learnt to make pitta breads, flour and water.. easy to do.

I want to tell you something.. you can put down your hunting tools, let me clean up your face.

I can look after you now, feed you well, care for you. You do not need to eat as if its your last meal, you don't need that extra bit of fat to get you through the day or until you can eat again.

Do you trust me? I trust you.. and I know all you want is for someone to make sure you get fed... I am sorry I have made you eat more than you need for fear of you starving...I know now that you won't starve again.. I have money, time and skill to feed you in the right way... and you deserve that.

Lets make your hair long and healthy, your nails and bones strong and take away those bags under your eyes.

I love you little scavenger girl, lets drop the scavenger so you can just be a girl, a healthy, happy, well fed girl.

Feel that difference in your stomach? Thats it realising that you are safe, secure and well fed.

Love you and will always feed you well

Carrie