Please excuse typos and spelling mistakes I have yet to proof read on my laptop!
"This morning I feel...
Jittery, tired, sick, I need more sleep, can't think straight, I'm falling asleep in my chair, glad I don't have to talk to anyone not involved in last night before I go home and sort myself out...
No I didn't go out drinking last night, I was carrying out a sponsored 'rough' night out for the Archer Project on the streets of Sheffield." - Written on Saturday morning, I wasn't able to write anymore as my brain and body needed sleep.
In reality, the experience was far from that of actually being homeless, we had cardboard, ground mats, sleeping bags, plenty of warm, dry, clean clothes on, one person had a camper bed. We were also in a big group of people that we could trust and also had people watching over us while we slept. We also had the choice to go in doors if it rained... I had decided that even if it did rain I would stay out, I had a 'survival' bag and would stay dry.. Thankfully it didn't rain.
Our 'basics' would be luxury to someone on the streets. They best they can guarantee is the cardboard, and that's only if it hasn't been raining.
It's Monday morning and I struggled with ordering a morning coffee before my commute to work... I'm still not recovered, and I feel quite ashamed about that... Iv had home to go too, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in.
On the Saturday after the sleep out I went home climbed into bed and tried to sleep, I thought I would just fall straight to sleep, I was inside, safe... I didn't sleep.. My thought just went back to my experience the night before.
When I tried to sleep the night before I was worried, I had to stifle down an anxiety attack.. I battled between closing my sleeping bag up around my face to stay warm, with having it open so I could wake and see if anyone was coming over.. I didn't need to worry really as we were pretty damn safe. My friend slept beside me, and I actually used his snoring to get me to sleep.. I knew he was there and that I would be protected..( I should remember that when my bf snores in the night! )
The sleeping was only a small part of the experience a mear few hours, so I will start from the beginning and share my journey that has left me wanting to buy Easter eggs for every homeless person, because who else will?
I was told about the event about a month ago when our local Labour Party cllr Maroof invited me to a fund raiser event to raise some money for the Archer Project, to go towards food and other needed items.
It was a fun night of all you can eat curry with friends, and we raised £68 through a raffle.
As soon as I was told about the work the Archer Project did I knew I had to be involved.. How could I not? I know full well that a large amount of people who are homeless have had experience of the care system.. I myself was almost homeless after a break up.
I signed up to the event and set up my just giving page (justgiving.com/Carrie-wilson3 ) which you can still donate to.
I didn't actually think too much about the event in the weeks coming up to it, I had just returned to work after getting myself better from stress and that was my priority, work and me feeling good.
I remembered on the Monday that not only did I need to sort my bedding for the night, I had promised to sort Cllr Maroof out with things as he has never been camping, so didn't own the items we needed. Thankfully my bf used to be in the scouts and his dad is a scout leader, so they had plenty of things I could borrow.. A high quality sleeping bag, a ground mat that had air in so was warmer than the usual ones and of course the survival bags.
Friday came along and I went to the event with Maroof.. Registration was at 7pm, we signed in and got a name sticker and a bright wrist band.
Around half 7 the team at the Archer Project sat us down to explain what they do at the project would and share how the event would carry out that evening... We wouldn't be going out till 9pm..
A tour of the place took place.. At the reception we were told that every year they deal with around 1400 people, and daily it's 70 - 90 people. They see these people between 8.30 am to 1.30pm, a small window really. What do they do for the rest of the day..?
The users of the service are registered and their needs noted.
Those without benefits and no home were provided with breakfast, that is cooked by volunteers and users of the service (volunteers get a free meal out of helping, along with work experience)
The service also has a fully functioning medical room, with an X-ray machine, a dental xray machine and other things needed to treat those who come in.
They also hold classes and sessions on a whole aray of areas; literacy, well being, confidence, music, football..
They explained that their work wasn't to just give to the homeless, it was work to help them move from the streets and hopefully into some kind of work or volunteering, and 'normal' life.
After the tour, we sat and introduced why we were carrying out the event and who we were, time went very quick and before I knew it, it was time to get my stuff and go outside for the evening.
Once outside I set up my 'bed' for the evening, then went on a 'tour' of Sheffield from Gavin, a volunteer at the Archer Project who was homeless for 5 years (now has a bedsit and sells the big issue). The tour took us down back alleys, to locations you would not go if your were out shopping, or on a night out... The main reason these were places that a homeless person could call 'home' for the night.
The main locations had security cameras close by, to help you feel safe, and if anything did happen, the police would be there within minutes.
Gavin shared a experience of another homeless person who would climb inside the big bins full of cardboard to stay warm, dry and undetected by anyone. If someone was new on the streets he would guide them and make sure they didn't go down the wrong place or play victim to the wrong people.
On the tour we walked past Mc Donald's where a young woman was sat begging... Gavin explained that she was most likely trying to get enough money to get a meal for the evening.. I had to hold back my tears. I asked Gavin if he thought it would be okay if I bought her something to eat.. He didn't think it would be an issue.
When we got back to our camp, I walked straight back over to Mc Donald's with a couple of other sleep out particapants and spoke to the young woman.. She is Called Andrea. I ask if she would mind if I got her something to eat, she replies 'yes please' I ask her what she would want, 'I don't know, a burger or fries?', I say No, you can have a meal, what do you like, what would you prefer, do you want to come in with me? She smiles and replies 'I like chicken.. I'll wait here' I offer to get a coffee and she tells me someone is already getting her one, so I get her a hot chocolate instead.
Once inside I order a large meal and a hot apple pie and take then out to her.
I then ask if I can sit with her for a while and speak to her.. 'Of course' she replies.
I spend the next half an hour talking to her while she wolfs down the food. Some homeless guys turn up and want to speak to her, they come over and another person sleeping out buys them a meal also. May I add, after finishing their food, they put their rubbish in the bin and Andrea shared what she had with the others.. How many people litter and are selfish with their food that you know or have seen?
When they go across the road I ask if they are friends.. She tells me 'you don't have friends on the street, you have people you associate with, but I try to avoid them if they have been drinking as they can turn'.. I tell her if she wants she can 'camp' with us this evening as it will be safe and there is food about... 'Maybe' she replies 'it is safe where I go I can pull a bin in front of me and no one knows I am there'.. My heart aches... That isn't safe...
I ask Andrea why she is homeless, with the added extra of you don't need to answer that if you don't want to.
Andrea has been homeless since last August as she moved in her with now Ex bf, they broke up and as it was his place she had to move out.. With no where to go, she ended up on the streets. Because she was healthy.. She isn't a priority.. You also need a fixed address to bid on a place..? How on earth does that benefit the homeless?!
I thoughts jumped back 2 and half years ago, to when I was in the same situation, my relationship broke down, the place was his... If it wasn't for some very amazing people I would have been homeless, alongside with having to care for my teenage brother.
I want you to now think about the beginning of the year and how cold and wet it was... And imagine if you had to be sat on the streets trying to keep warm and dry...
I told her she must come with me and speak to Cllr Maroof and see if there was anything he could help with.
One of the guys came back over and said Nigel really wasn't well.. He hasn't eaten properly all week, so we go across the road to see how he is.
I take them all back to camp, 4 in all and get some soup and introduce them to the people there. One knows a worker there so I leave him to speak to the worker for a while..I leave Andrea speaking with Cllr Maroof about her experience.. I stay with Nigel who is in a bad way, he can't cope, sleep deprived, starving, exhausted, mentally 'messed up' (his words not mine!)
I take him to one side and speak to him, he tells he has been in and put of prison for 22 years.. Because it was easier being inside than dealing with life outside. 'Iv been insitutionilised'
Hold that thought .. 22 years?! Almost as many years as I am alive.. He doesn't know how to use a mobile or text.. Not that he owns one anyway. How much has society changed in that time.. Internet, technology!
He has been out 3 months, the longest time, he wants to make something of his life, while also feeling like he's lost half his life... His heads in termoil, fighting with himself, wanting to deal with 'real' life but being utterly unprepared and overwhelming by many issues.
He tells me his brother committed suicide 3 weeks ago... His family knew he was in Sheffield but didn't tell him, so he couldn't go to the funeral.. He feels lost and so upset.. He couldn't say goodbye to his brother... He doesn't know if he can go on.. He ponders if killing himself would be easier.. He would be with his parents and brother...
I speak with him for a good while, tell him he is worth living, that if he likes I can try and get him some help with dealing with his issues... 'I do, but I get angry when people ask me to talk about things'... I reply 'you aren't angry with me are you?.. Would you feel happy speaking to me?'
I can speak to you he says, 'you are the first person who I haven't had to speak to, that hasn't had to speak to me, your not a parole officer or a key worker, you are just a kind person. I really appreciate that, it means a lot. Thank you'
I promise I will try and do some work with him.. He says he's not good at being places at certain times.. That's ok I say.. I'll find you, it would be silly of me to give someone a time to be somewhere when you don't live by the clock, 'I can't have you watching the townhall clock all day can I'I tell him !
We go back over and I ask if I can tag along with them for the evening.. 'Of course' they reply.
It is around half 10 and it's time for them to try and get some money so they can have a bed to sleep in.. For the past week 3 of them had slept on a single mattress down a back alley.
We walk along to Division street and Nigel gets us all cardboard to sit on so we don't get cold.
Andrea sits next to the cash machine and I sit with her for a while, I can see Nigel is really struggleing to stay awake, not great when they are both trying to get £25 between them for a b n b for the night. I go and sit with him, and chat to him, we tell some jokes to each other, silly jokes and he tells me abit more about his life. I offer to get him a coffee and he insists I don't as he feels like he's taking advantage... I feel incredibly emotional about this.. £1.70 is small cost to me. I go and get him one anyway at the burger bar outside mother care. The owner tells me he used to give food to the homeless, but then 30-40 started to turn up and he just couldn't afford it.
I come back to Nigel give him his coffee and chat to him a bit more, then a woman and her partner walks past, mutters 'disgusting' and gives me the most dirtiest of looks.. She actually thinks I'm homeless aswell, and response is one of utter awfulness. I stare at her as she walks past, I don't have the shame that is linked to being on the streets and I will challenge people like her... I wonder how long that would last if I actually was homeless?
A short while after the street is getting busy as it's getting to nearly 12, we have been sat out for over an hour.
A group of lads walk past see me and stop, "what are you doing out here? You need to get yourself inside!!" I tell them it's ok, I'm carrying out a sponsored sleep out to raise cash and awareness of the homeless. The guys are making man jokes about football with Nigel and they give him some cash. One of the guys asks which church I am with..' I'm not with a church? Why would I need to be? ' He then says ' I bet you are from a really privileged background and just want to do some good' at this point I laugh at him.. No I say. I grew up in foster care.
We are then interrupted by one of their friends 'just give them some money so we can f off'.. I ask him why he is being so rude, he looks stunned, he double takes and realises I have a name sticker, I'm clean, I'm in warm clothes.. I'm
Not Homeless... I repeat my question, his reply 'because I can' so I tell him to grow up.
Anyway that group moves on and a few mins later Andrea says she has enough for a b n b.
They look around for the other two, they don't want them about.. The other two want to spend the money on other things other than a bed for the night so we take a quick run down the back alleys.
We part our ways, and I tell them.. If it's too late for them to get in the b n b then let come back to me and let me know and we will get some warm and safe for the night.
I walk back to camp and sit and think about the experience, it takes me another hour to actually get in my sleeping bag and try and sleep for the night....
I have spent all weekend thinking about the people I met, I went to the shops and wanted to buy them food.. Something has changed, I can't ignore them, or rush past. My own mental health has improved, how can I feel down when I have so much, and people have so little? Realisation of the situation.
When I got to Manchester for work I bought a sandwich as well as my lunch, and promised myself I would give it to the next homeless person I saw.. It was an elderly man on my way home, he smiled and I rushed off for my train home.
I want you to think about the person who's asking you for spare change, and actually look at them. Are they falling asleep because they haven't been able to sleep? Not because they are on drugs
Are they drinking because it helps numb the pain of loss of family or mental health issues, or the physical pain of sleeping on a cold hard floor every night?
Some of our group drank alcohol to help get them to sleep.. How is this different to a homeless person, because we buy more expensive beer? because we have a home?
Do something you didn't do yesterday, instead of walking past that homeless person, take a moment ask if they want something to eat, if you don't want to give them cash that's fine.. But surely you can spend a quid or two on a sandwich?
