New Year Changes - Recognising a negative relationship

Its a new year 2015 (now closer to 2030 than 2000... am I the only one that feels really old reading that?)

New Years are some of the best times to start something new, or make major changes.

Maybe this year you wish to have a more positive life, and to do that you might need to be able to recognise a negative relationship...

Growing up in care, its likely that you have come across your share of negative relationships. Some you have control over if they are in your life, others… sadly might just be stuck there until you can do something about it. 

When you become a ‘grown up’ (huh, when and how did that happen?!) You have the power to control who you have involved in your life. Some people choose to have people in their lives that have a negative effect, sometimes because they don’t have the self compassion to realise they deserve a positive relationship with that person.. or maybe.. they just accept thats how it is, and they are willing to have that person in their life regardless of the effect they have on them.

It is difficult in life to make those judgements, to decide who is worth that pain, upset… because thats the way they are, or just to say, 'nope… cya later, I deserve better than that'. 

Sometimes you got to bite your tongue, and keep someone there, because it just causes so much more distress if you choose another option. 

But what is a negative relationship? 

How can you recognise when its not healthy or good for you? 

I few things I look out for…

They expect you to give, but don’t expect to give anything back (this can be seen in many terms, from money, time or emotional care ) 

They make you feel bad for the choices you make in life 

They don’t make you feel supported

They make you feel like your pulling teeth trying to get them to think about someone other than themselves 

They verbally/physically/emotionally hurt you 

They make you feel guilty for not thinking about them first in a situation that isn't about them 

They don’t try to keep a relationship if you don’t contact them, its always you to make the effort 

They expect you to take on all of their issues without being willing to take on yours

A few examples …

These may be short term issues, in which you can simply move away from that person until you are strong enough to handle that, or they change. 

Some situations are so serious that the only choice is to cut the cord and move away from the negative relationship

The only person who can decide what is right for you at that current time, is you. You will know how much you can handle, you will know if it hurts you so bad you spend the day crying. 

Don’t ever feel bad for making a choice to keep yourself from a relationship that makes you sad, drained or upset. 

You deserve better than that, surround yourself with the positive, empowering people and break away from those who bring you down from being the best person you can be. 

It might be a long time friend, it might even be a family member. Regardless, if they don't respect you for you, and put in the same effort you do, and chastise you if your not regarding them every step of your life, make you feel worthless,  they are not worth your time, effort, emotion at that current time.

It again is then your choice how long you keep this person away from you. It might be a life time choice, or maybe just a few weeks until you feel stronger to deal with that situation. 


Be kind to yourself this year, and be your own best friend.

Happy New Year everyone!