Finding inspiration in yourself- A guide to self compassion not selfishness

For a moment think of the people who you find inspirational.

You may find them inspirational for a number of reasons;

- they have a great talent 

- they have done great things 

- they have achieved things you wouldn't and couldn't expect 

This list could be quite endless, if it were to include every reason as to why people find other people inspirational. 

However, for a moment think about yourself, your talents, your achievements, the great things you have done. 

You might start feelings a little stuck.. feeling uncomfortable? 

Thats natural, strangely, because we live in a society that we barely celebrate our own successes in life, that we do not act kindly to ourselves, as we would others.. but why? 

Because it is wrongly convinced as being self centred, narcissist, selfish. 

Understanding why we feel the way we do, and societies perceptions of looking after ourselves and being self compassionate, celebrating ourselves would be a whole discussion in itself. So instead we must assume this is what happens, and discover how to change and reprogram ourselves to be self compassionate, and see the inspirational acts we struggle to see in ourselves, but so easily see in others. 

What is self compassion though? 

I would describe it as an act in which we take the negative criticisms we give ourselves in life, and turn them up side down. Instead of being angry at yourself for not achieving something you wanted to achieve, you self comfort, self rationalise. 

An example 

'You forget an important date or meeting and let someone else down'

Think about the feelings this gives you about yourself 

'idiot you let them down', 'guilt about forgetting', 'stupidity for forgetting' 'let down'   

All or mostly very negative, self critical thoughts? 

Now picture this as your friend, who is going through a stressful situation, has a lot on their plate, and forgot a meeting, and let someone down. 

How would you comfort that person? 

'Stress can create forgetfulness', 'the person knows you didn't mean to forget, they are not angry', 'it will be okay, you can arrange another meeting', 'maybe do some self management so you don't feel so overwhelmed' 'don't beat yourself up!'

Now comfort yourself with those words, in place of the negative ones. 

That feels odd, right? It gets easier. 

Being kind and thoughtful to yourself does not mean your are being selfish, you are treating yourself as you would others. Think of the saying 'Treat others how you would like to be treated yourself'.. but do you include how you treat yourself in that? 

We so often use self criticism to motivate ourselves. 

'You need to loose weight because you are fat and ugly' 

Would you say those words to a friend if they were over weight and wanted to loose weight? 

We use hurtful words towards ourselves, without recognising how hurtful and mean we are to ourselves. 

How can we expect others to treat us kindly and nicely when we do not do this ourselves? 

So now, we can try and tackle our self criticisms, and start to act self compassionately about ourselves, and our actions. 

You just did something inspirational, you were kind and compassionate to someone in a selfless act!  And yes it does count on yourself! 

Once you start you will find small differences in yourself. I have found I am less angry towards others, and myself. 

I am so much more contented and happy!

I hope this will guide you to helping you to accept yourself, and gain self compassion, leading you to see in yourself the inspiration others see in you.

If you have any questions about this blog, please do not hesitate to contact me.