I am not homeless.. I have a house to live in, but my room is not there.
After spending the weekend with members of my chosen family, and had been working through my emotional build up that had saved up inside me since my last visit.
I realised that I found the fact I didn't have a room at a parents home to go back to, quite painful.
I have lived independently for almost 10 years now, but I was still and always missing having a room, to go back to, hide away in and just escape the madness of the world for a few moments.
I did have a room for a while at my 'step mums', but almost as soon as it was provided it was taken away and rented out.. my things packed for me into boxes and bags.
I currently fill 2.1 rooms at my future parents in laws house, where I live with my fiancé, I do not fill them with my presence, but with my home boxes, my child boxes, my wedding boxes.. all my boxes from my life.
I share my room with my lovely man.. but its not my space.
It might seem quite selfish to need and want my own room somewhere, when I am lucky to have so much already.
I don't think it is though, having a room at your 'parents' or just the knowledge that that door is always open is such a powerful and healing safety net.
It is not the first time the *Sparkle* family have given me a room, a key, a safety net. They never took that away from me, but they did move.. and I needed to be given permission in my head to know I still had that space in the new home too...
I find myself feeling emotional in my chest and my throat as I think about the generosity and kindness provided to me by this my family.
I suppose what I am trying to convey, is the deep rooted issues related to not having a room, a space, a safety net to go back to.
Recently a wonderful documentary called Kicked Out Kids that follows 3 young people leaving the care system.
This documentary touches on the loneliness and issues relating to these young people not having somewhere to return to, they are alone, in their own place, with no where to go back to if it goes wrong.
I am lucky enough to know one of the young people in the documentary, since she left care just under a year ago, she has since moved 3 times. Each time having to find herself in her home.. and not having a bedroom to just go and hid in with the comfort and security of a family.
I was recently contacted by a Personal Advisor about one of his young people, 17 years old (18 in Oct) in residential care.. had her review meeting and TOLD at the meeting that she is to move out in 3/4 weeks. She is not ready, she is not prepared...and she expressed this.. it fell on blind eyes and deaf ears, which is why I was contacted.
So much concentration is given to young people exiting the care system, yet it seems very little consideration to the emotional effects of being on your own, with no room to return to. I hear you say.. but they can sometimes go back.. (very rarely) but this is just an extension of stay... it is not a room that will always be yours to return to at any age..
It is an ongoing issue in the 'care' system, that the professionals running it and making those decisions have an off switch to caring once a young person reaches a certain age.
My 'duty' is done, don't ask any more of me.
I ask, do parents give up responsibility of their child at 16,18,21,25? That one time they cant cover their MOT of the car, they broke up with their partner and need somewhere to stay, birthdays, Christmas's. Parents don't stop being parents once their child reaches a certain age.. they are forever their child.. so why are children in care given a time limit of care and parenting?
When the state takes away a child from their birth parent, they take on that responsibility of parenting that child under the assumption that they can provide better and safer care than the birth parents.
I take you back to the power of a room. Those 4 walls, a roof, a place to escape to. It may not always have your things in, but it is always there to return to when its needed.
This is what is required.
The belief that someone cares after the paper work is signed off, the knowledge that if things go wrong, there is a place to gather yourself in safety. A room.
