For anyone who has tried to access mental health services/mutli team agencies you may have come up against the same brick walls as myself recently.. Here is my journey.. That I hope will help ease yours.
I have become a full time care coordinator alongside my full time job at the Care Leavers Association and full time job as a parent/partner/keeping myself moving forwards.
The services at times have seemed to have no sense of urgency to help in my predicament.. With me constantly pushing different services for different answers to get to the end goal of having a good working support group for my brother to get him better and happy.
It's hard... Really hard. I got to a point I were I was, what felt like, a day away from a complete breakdown .. I could not push myself any further. I sat in a ball crying trying to figure out what else I could do, trying to pull something, anything out from deep inside to carry on the losing battle.
I couldn't put trust in anyone to get things done, because they just were not working fast enough and I was seeing the results of a person I love and adore spiral utterly out of control, hell bent on self destruction.
I fell, stumbled, could not go on. I rang social services, held up my hands and cried that 'I could not do it' anymore'.. Then had to explain what 'it' was.. I had never had them involved before.. Nearly 3 years I had dealt with so much without anything. Maybe because a deep ingrained issue with social services involvement, scared of people making judgement of how I was parenting, living my life. 'You have been through care, you will be a shit parent'
I was told they would do an assessment and 'help me' with my 'parenting skills', and to be perfectly honest I felt utterly insulted and pathetic.. Had it really all been my parenting that had got me to this point.. I doubted it, but agreed anyway. They would send someone next week.. At this point my brother had been missing a day and it was nearing 5pm on a Friday. No sense of urgency given.. 'If he doesn't come back, call the police'.. They could only bring him back, they wouldn't help me fix him and keep him safe.
I spent a weekend not knowing what to do, I had been blocked on Facebook and my brother had turned his phone off.. He didn't want to be found.
Sunday 5pm I get a phone call... 'Hi this is ... he is with us... But he is on the way to hospital... He drank bleach...'
My heart dropped.. I had failed, I hadn't been listened to when I was desperately begging for help.. This wasn't my parenting.. He needed mental health help and I couldn't provide that.
We beat the ambulance to the hospital then spent the next 7 hours trying to get him assessed/safe/admitted/anything
They didn't want to admit him, he thankfully was physically fine.. But if he left I knew, and he knew he would do what ever he could to hurt himself. 'I don't see any other option to stop how I am feeling'
We both begged for him to be admitted and he finally got a bed nearly 7 hours later.
At this point I had left a voice mail with adult mental health services .. Where Oskar had a worker.. Not camhs.. They had apparently washed their hands with him once he turned 16. (Funny how if you are Inpatient you can use to service up to 18.. Just a thought) to tell them what had happened and that the fact he had only seen his worker 2 times in 3 months, wasn't working.
I contacted my boss ' I don't think I will be able to make it in tomorrow.. My brother drank bleach to kill himself.. I'm sorry'
I went home, I didn't sleep.
8.30 I rang the hospital.. 'How is he...'
9.00 I rang the adult services 'did you get my voice mail.. What's happening... '
'His worker was not in.. Only 2 staff on call.. Not sure what to do.. Can't really come out to us incase something happens here'
He needed a mental health assessment, he couldn't leave hospital without one and because we were 'out of area' there was (for once) an urgency of 'he's not ours, your services need to deal with this'
'Our' services didn't come out.. We didn't know they weren't until 3pm.. 6 hours messing about, undecided on what to do next. The local camhs worker saw my brother at 4, said sorry repeatingly.. She could have seen him at 11am.. But was told by our services they would come.. They told her at 2 that actually they weren't. We were half hour drive from 'our' services.. Too far to go 'just in case' something happened elsewhere
15 mins with the worker and he has decided he needs to be in patient again.
But there are 'no beds'...
So there is no other option than to bring him home...?? But how do I look after him if I need to go to work? Nearly a week of me trying to go to work the services get him into a bed in a completely different local authority.. I thank that hopefully they will listen and help more than the last place.
So off he goes there.. The first meeting is promising.. I feel confident.. Maybe this will help fix his issues.. And everything will be good...
A week in and this image is shattered... I get a phone call saying my brother has gone missing... He was meant to be back hours ago and isn't..
I ask the questions.. Whys he been aloud out when you know he is high risk? Why was he not supervised as you said he would be at the first meeting...
"This isn't a secure unit we can't force him to stay" utter lack of taking responsibility for the situation
Every few days for two weeks an incdent like this occurs, making me lose all trust in the services and making me very stressed about the whole situation. This also made my brother lose trust.. "They can't stop me, they can't help me"
He ended up leaving the place early due to posting a picture of him and another young person on Facebook.. The girl knew it was posted and was fine with it, it didn't say anything about the place or who she was.. He was thrown out.. She stayed
No plans in place
I told them I can't keep him safe, "he can't come to me because if cannot keep him safe"...
Local CAMHS say no, a flurry of phone calls where no one knows what is going on, where he is going.. And I have to go pick him up as they will just release him into Leeds with no money or parent as he is 16 and not under a Section... Am I the only one who finds the idea and logic of letting a mentally unstable young person who is highly depressed just walk out of somewhere totally and utterly wrong?!
I spent over an hour on the phone to a worker there and said I wanted to complain.. To be told 'it probably won't go anywhere' ?!
Umm what?
Anyway, he came home to me, I then had to spend more time working from home to watch him and keep him safe, insisted more needed to be done to help... Which we are now getting...
We are now 4 months from that situation.. And I can finally sit back and spend time to look at the situation and really look at how the services did and didn't work. I fully believe that if I had not put so much effort and time into coordinating all the different services.. It would be a very different blog I would be writing.
My brother is doing a lot better, he is getting regular support from different services and I feel has really matured, he's not dealt with all the different issues.. That is a long term battle but we are moving forwards, not battling round in a violent bubble of self distruction!
It is a new year, and I promise to write more here, my energy levels are back, I can breath and think about the bigger picture again.
Thank you to all of those who stood and helped, sat and listened when I ranted/cried/stressed
To those who kept me going and provided a safe haven to recuperate
The battle is won... But the war for better and more connected services is still very much ongoing - BRING IT ON
